*this article orignally featured in Diego Magazine Issue #4
The 2020 European Championship – an ambitious festival of football spanning 12 countries in celebration of the tournament’s 60th birthday - was originally scheduled to take place in June and July of 2020.
Then, of course, everything went all A Bit Much, Lads, and the covid-19 pandemic saw the tournament postponed until at least the summer of 2021.
So as the footballing world faces increasing uncertainty, here are 11 kits from the history of the Euros to make you say “look, I dunno mate, will you just… can you just pull that mask up over your nose please, eh?”.
11. Scotland – Euro 1996 Home
Not too long ago I saw a guy wearing this shirt at a flat party. He had it on over a hoodie, which really irked me at the time. Later in the night I saw him throw up with such ferocity that one of his shoes came off. Unreal.
10. Italy – Euro 2000 Home
87% nylon. 13% stretchy lycra. 100% knowing I couldn’t pull off something this form fitting even then. Still, anything Kappa is so utterly timeless, isn’t it?
9. Bulgaria – Euro 1996 Home
Jook at the late Trifon Ivanov’s face here. The Bulgarian Wolfman knows everything about him is screaming ‘cult classic’ right now. Doesn’t mean he won’t happily oblige in delivering a massive right footed volley to the face of anyone who dares tell him though. Cool font for that number on the chest too.
8. Portugal – Euro 2004 Home
I think if you were to put this shirt on, your body would involuntarily start doing Far Too Many Stepovers. Like if Stephen King had a son that was really into football and he wanted to write something just for him, y’know?
7. Republic of Ireland – Euro 1988 Home
The image of little Ray Houghton looping a header from six yards over a helpless Peter Shilton at Euro ’88 – helping Jack Charlton’s Irish side to a famous 1-0 win over England - is one of the most enduring images from a tournament full of them. Imagine how much it must still boil Shilton’s piss. Just brilliant.
6. France – Euro 1984
Platini and the gang wore this effort as romped to victory at the 1984 European Championship. A testament to the impact of this kit; it has been replicated several times by the French national team since, most notably in 1998, 2000 and 2020. And why not? A classic is a classic for a reason. Good for them, I say.
5. Belgium – Euro 1984 Home
One day you might make the mistake of wearing this shirt to do the Tesco big shop. You’d be walking around, minding your own business, working your way through the list for that chilli you’re making tonight. Then you start to notice. You see them. Shuffling towards you. A vacant expression adorning their faces. They don’t seem alive at all. Men in their early-mid 30s. They all have beards. Football Hispters. “Cool shirt, mate”. “That’s quality”. “A classic”, they’d moan at you. They’re starting to close in. You’re surrounded in the fresh produce aisle. You make a break for it, you manage to fend a couple off with your shopping trolley. “Is that a Classic Football Shirts effo-“ BOSH!, he’s down. You clear the automatic doors, reaching safety. You get home only to realise you’ve forgotten the kidney beans. Could you use chickpeas? Not really the same is it.
4. Sweden – Euro 1992 Home
If you’re throwing a party this big, you might as well look like a legend while doing it. I think that’s in The Great Gatsby? Sweden’s iconic Blågult colour scheme has provided some absolute gems over the years, but the Adidas trefoil shadow print of 1992 was exceptional.
3. Spain – Euro 2016 Away
Vibrant, brave, modern while still maintaining a retro feel – this kit ticks so many boxes. It does not, despite what Big Gav from the office might say, “look like someone’s vomited paella onto it”. Someone really should have a word with HR one of these days.
2. Denmark – Euro 1992 Goalkeeper
There is a quote, often attributed to Albert Einstein that says: “If you can’t explain it simply you don’t understand it well enough”. It is rumoured that Aldo was watching Peter Schmeichel lead Denmark to victory in Euro ‘92 while wearing this disconcerting Hummel classic when he said this. I simply do not understand what is happening on that jersey. What I do know is that I am obsessed with it.
1. The Netherlands – Euro 1988 Home
Pretty much the shirt that started all of this, wasn’t it? A confounding, epoch-defining geometric bastard of a kit worn by the coolest side ever to win a major tournament. Iconic doesn’t even begin to cover it.
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